(In honour of ADHD Awareness Month, we’re giving space to the voices that matter most — those with lived experience. This special feature is written by our guest contributor)
This blog will be different from the others.
I have already shared quite a bit of my journey with ADHD. Each post has felt like a brick, slowly forming a bigger picture of how I’ve grown. But the truth is, I am nowhere near where I want to be. And honestly, maybe I never will be. It’s not that I won’t reach my goals, but because I will always be creating new ones. I am constantly learning about myself, and with that comes a fresh set of challenges.
This isn’t something unique to having ADHD – it’s part of being human. In this, we are all the same. We achieve, we grow, and then we search for the next mountain to climb.
I mentioned that I hold resentment towards my ADHD. For the longest time, I denied that I even had it. That was how much I hated it – and how much I still hate it. I despise how I have to try harder at things others can do without a second thought. It was that frustration that pushed me back onto medication after around ten years of being in denial.
The results were almost euphoric. My thoughts had tumbled like rocks in a tin can, but then they organised themselves within a day. The output of my work increased. I was able to sit down and focus on my work up to twelve hours a day. But sadly, there is always something.
My medication had side effects. My mind was adjusting to it; my body was not. Elvanse worsened my eyesight and pushed back my hairline within a week. My diet was non-existent. I would only want to eat when I got nauseous. The feeling wasn’t hunger.
I changed to Methylphenidate, which did absolutely nothing. I started comparing it to the vitamins I took in the morning. The side effects were gone, but there was also no real effect. It became trying to balance the success of my brain against the destruction of my body. I’m still in this dilemma now. And that’s what I mean when I say there are always new goals. I don’t have everything figured out, but tomorrow I will know more than I did today.
