This might be where my ADHD is at its quote-on-quote worst. And to be honest I am not sure whether I have a solution for you today. What I can do is speak to you about my relationship with tidying up, beyond the practical side of it, and how it has affected my relationships and so on.
When I first moved in with an ex-partner, they quickly became aware of just how messy I was, or rather not messy, but how much of a chore it was for me to stay tidy. And being who I am, what made this more difficult was my reluctance to tell them that I had ADHD. So in their eyes, I was just someone who was a mess and nothing more.
I always had this internal rule I’d stick to, which included using my pan to cook and instead of cleaning it straight away, I’d put it in the sink and let it stay there until I next needed it, which would be the next day, and truth be told I still do this. Anyway, it was just my way of functioning. I had a structure and a routine to it.
Other things I did regarding tidying up which didn’t match a neurotypical person included only doing a wash once I ran out of pants rather than the number of days that had gone by, becoming deeply frustrated when it was time to make up the bed, and so on. And until my ex-partner knew about my ADHD, all of this seemed to them quite strange. But when we came to an understanding about who I was it did become easier.
Before this I wasn’t aware that ADHD and being untidy could affect my relationships, but a combination of flatmates and living with a partner made me realise how important it was.
